Stuck in a rut, jumped off the wagon, hit bottom, etc.

I gained back 1.2 pounds since Sunday.

It's not the weight that upsets me. It's the fact that I am lazy and I CHOSE to eat poorly, knowing that it was going to cost me (in points, in emotions, in weight, in self-image, etc).

I am reminded daily just how weak I am when I try to do things on my own, without God's help. I have noticed a distinct correlation between succeeding and failing with my weight loss efforts when compared with how much time I've spent in the Word and in prayer. I have not spent one morning with God since Sunday. All week, I have been struggling with self-control, laziness and temptation.

I want to succeed with Weight Watchers. More importantly, however, I need to maintain the right focus. My focus is to gain self-control, to change my health and the destructive path that I have been on, to be a good steward of the body that I have been given, to please God and bring Him glory in EVERY area of my life.

As I sit here and contemplate the Klondike bar I had for dessert last night, or the can of Pepsi I drank at 11:00pm, or the banana pudding milkshake I drank at Chick-Fil-A, or the waffle fries I ordered instead of my usual fruit cup; I realize that all of those things were choices. I chose to put those things in my body in the name of "it's sooooo good!".  While all of those things were extremely delicious, the benefit of eating them was a very short and temporary feeling of enjoyment that was followed by an entire day of guilt, self-deprication and disappointment.  What kind of example did that set to Emma?

Nothing says failure like hearing your daughter say "coffee? muffin?" every time we walk into Target.

Nothing says failure like hearing your husband say "you were doing so good! don't stop!"

Nothing says failure like being a mere 8 pounds away from my lifetime goal, stepping on the scale and seeing that I've gained.

All of these things pale in comparison to the feeling of failure when it takes me three days to realize I have not spent one morning with my Savior. I set myself up for failure! How can I resist temptation when I am not making a conscious effort to be Spirit-led? Duh!

I hope you will forgive me for all of the weight-related posts, but this is the life I'm living at this moment :)

Here is to better days ahead and fixing what is broken!