Well... that didn't go as planned

How many of you reading this can think back at a time in your life when things did not go as you planned?  Do you feel as I do that it would be more appropriate to try to pinpoint something in your life that did go as planned?

God is allowing my world to be rocked.  Again.

Yet, my heart is more full than it has been in a very long time. My relationship with my Savior and my King is at an all-time high.

One thing is for sure... there is no argument that can dispel the truth of Gods love. To the world, death means despair. With God, death brings hope and a reminder that this life is short and this life is not what it is all about anyway.

This past weekend was a tough one for me.

My Aunt Barb, my moms sister, passed away after a long battle with leukemia.
A close friend gave me news that may require a move very far away.
I had a very fun and special experience with my sister that left me realizing that in a few short months, she will be living 7 hours away from me

All of these things have good in them. One is no longer suffering, one may embarking on a new adventure and another will be living out the desires of her heart that have not been realized for a very long time.

While I rejoice in their rejoicing, I also hurt with them.

Deep down. I'm selfish. I don't want to attend the funeral of my Moms sister and watch as she is laid in the ground next to my moms grave. I don't want to face having to look down and see not one, but five burial spots next to each other with the names of the people I loved on them and that new looking plate on there with the year of their death.

Mike Monville, Barb Rotarius, Faye Davenport, Evelyn Monville, Morris Monville.

Uncle Mike, Aunt Bubba, Mommy, Grandma M, Grandpa M.

I don't want my close friend to move away. I pray it does not happen but I know that if it does that there will be a very sad Risheill family. It is exciting that they will be on a great adventure and be living out something they have always thought about doing... sometimes circumstances force big changes.

I don't want my sister to live 7 hours from me. My heart rejoices that she has found love and that God has answered this desire of her heart. I just wish he didn't live in North Carolina. It will be a beautiful place for her to live and she will have the excitement of a big move and a big change in her life and I am excited for her. It is just hard to let go.

If I had to choose a theme for my adult life I think it would be:  Letting Go

And yet

I have Christopher. The love of my life and my best friend.

I have Emma. A healthy, just shy of 3-years old, amazing, beautiful, sweet, gentle, compassionate and entertaining daughter.

I have an amazing Dad who continues to share his wisdom and Spiritual knowledge with me and continues to offer me his friendship and not just his position as my Dad.

I have an amazing Dad-in-law that goes out of his way to spoil us on every occasion, who loves nothing more than to just be with us and who is interested in every area of our lives.

We are blessed. Even when my heart feels like it is being squeezed and my selfish heart tells me that life is not fair...  God reminds me that we are blessed and that in the end, it was never His intention for us to be experiencing such pain in this life and that someday.... it will be over.

Some day death will be done with.

Some day saying goodbye will not be a part of our lives.

Some day, I won't have to be scared that my unsaved family and friends will die without knowing Christ.

Some day there will be no more funerals, no more burials, no more grief, no more loss..

No more sin.

Come quickly Lord.