Comfort Zone?

What comfort zone?

I decided to join a new Bible Study and last night was the first meeting. At a church that had a lot of people...  none of which I knew.

A little something about me.  I don't do well when meeting new people and I am painfully shy when I don't have Chris next to me being my ice-breaker. You see, Chris is a natural talker. Life of the party. Outgoing and extroverted. Me? I'm the clam that stands next to him having mild panic attacks inside my head that are covered up with a small and usually a few dumb jokes to calm my nerves.

People. I do not willingly go to events on my own, without a friend, or without my extroverted husband.

So why does God seem to be pushing me into these situations?

I have a comfort zone... but God doesn't seem to see it lately.

So, last night I arrive at the church and there are a LOT of cars. I immediately get nervous. I walk into the church and see no one but then I hear noise coming from a room around the corner. I make my way around and come around the last bend and see a room FILLED with ladies. I think "I'm out of here" and want to turn around and walk right back out. But..  something (obviously we know who) pushed me forward. I filled out my name badge, looked at the tables and sat there like a deer in the headlights. Who would I sit with??  Finally, a lady looked my way and smiled (her mistake). I sat next to her. :)

I was my normal, quiet, shy self who didn't take my jacket off, did not make eye contact for a while and did not say much.

As it turns out, my table of ladies was pretty awesome and wouldn't you know that God put me with a group of ladies that were very welcoming and made me feel like I fit right in.

I can't say I'm looking forward to going back and doing this all over again next week, but I know that somehow I will get through it again.

This year seems to be the year that God pushes me outside of whatever I considered to be my comfort zone.   It makes me nervous for what is to come but hopeful for good changes.

What is God working on you for this year?

Monday Muse

* Parenting is tough sometimes... especially when your kid is throwing a major fit for no reason at all and weighs 32 pounds which makes it very difficult to remove her from the public place.
Love these terrific twos.
I also love sarcasm.

*Parenting is awesome most of the time... especially when your kid is making funny faces and signs with her Daddy at the kitchen table and giggling uncontrollably when there are sunglasses on her face.

 

 

 






* Forming stronger/new friendships with family members is heartwarming, encouraging and fun.

* Losing 1.8 pounds is a great feeling. 

* Having amazing friends that encourage, push and challenge me to be healthier physically and Spiritually is something that I do not take for granted. 

Hope everyone had a great weekend! We sure did! 

Winter Bugs

Poor little Emma Sue is still struggling with ear infections which I now believe have been caused by teeth that keep popping through. These molars are a bear! Poor kid has a dull mom so it took 3 molars before I realized that was what was happening. At least with this new one she is getting some pain relief :)

Chris has been sick and home almost all week with a nasty chest cold.

It has just been one of those weeks.

The good news is that the house is becoming quite clean since my evenings are spent alone while the hubby lays upstairs.

One bright light in our week is gymnastics class. This little girl LOVES her gymnastics and is surprisingly good at it. I just love that she loves it so much!  Such a big girl!

That is our update for this week so far. Very exciting life, I know... you don't have to say it  ;)

Sew It Saturday

My first sewing project with sleeves... ever!

My inspiration:

My final outcome (material chosen by Grandpa Risheill!):

She didn't seem too interested in putting it on but I eventually won her over. This project was necessary in order for us to have SOMETHING on her in her carseat to keep her warm but still sticking to the rules of an inch or less of material between her and the harness. I decided not to put a button on it because the flap folds over far enough that it doesn't move very much and it's super easy to take on and take off as many times as is necessary with a picky 2 1/2 year old :) 

I love it!

Back to life... back to reality

SO much going on here in the last couple of days!

2013 is not starting out the way I had thought it would.

My aunt barb, my moms sister, has been fighting leukemia for about 3 years now. She has been in the hospital for a week with an E.Coli infection that seems to be threatening her life. Not a good situation.

A close friend who has been touched by the pain of losing a parent before is now faced with a scary diagnosis with her remaining parent. This hits close to home for a lot of reasons. My heart aches for my friend and my prayers have been many on her dads behalf.

On a more positive note....  my sister is giddy excited about a guy she "met" and that is kind of cool :)

Emma is fighting a double ear infection and the antibiotic she is on makes her extra sleepy during the day... so nap time has been long. I took advantage and used that time to sew and have completed ALL of my undone projects! I will post them tomorrow for you all to see what I have been working on :)  I love the challenge of sewing and the accomplishment that comes with making something all by myself....  even if my 2 year old doesn't appreciate it :)

Ran out of coffee creamer and decided to improvise. Came up with an awesome combination that is practically 0 calories and tastes awesome. Sweet!

Monday starts back up our regular schedule of piano students and life as normal. We took down the Christmas decorations last night and were surprised to be met with a sobbing toddler who is not ready for Christmas to end. Oops.

I am happy to see that she is in love with Christmas as much as I am. Love recapturing that feeling now that we have a little girl that loves it!

Until next Christmas, it's back to normal....  which is pretty magical itself

2013... Here we come

2012.

What a strange year.

If I'm going to be honest, this was a tough year for me and I hope to improve upon it in 2013.
The Spiritual struggles I endured this year were beyond anything I thought I would endure. Doubt, fear, anxiety, depression, sadness...  thankfully, all met with grace, mercy and love by the One who continues to give me breath in spite of myself.

This year marked the 5-year anniversary. 5 years since the day that I ran into the house and into my parents bedroom, past all of the crying people, past my dad and into the room where my mom lay lifeless. 5 years since I cried out and grabbed her around the shoulders and cried like I have never cried before. 5 years since the beginning of a reality without my Mom. The questions that come from a grief that is born from losing someone that you love so much...  they were overwhelming this year. I don't ask why a lot because I know there is no answer that will satisfy. I do ask how. I do ask why at this time.  Mostly, I just try to remember and try to bury the pain that is still in my heart.

This year, that pain was turned into fear. I felt the grip of fear wrapping around my life and preventing me from enjoying any memory without the question of "will this be the last...".  The anxiety I fought off all year just thinking about the possibility that any moment could be the last moment I kiss my daughter goodnight... the last moment I lay in bed next to my husband...  the last phone call I receive from someone.

What it all really boils down to is a sudden inability to separate my grief from my everyday life. How do you combine them without losing something? How do I get rid of the grief without forgetting my Mom? How do I grieve her without fearing that the same thing will happen to Emma or Chris?

This sent my walk with Christ into a tailspin. Add to that a year filled with sticky situations that left me frustrated with Christians in general and the way that we tend to compromise when things we don't like in the Bible become a reality in our life... and it made for one giant mess for me.

It was a year of emotional struggles but it was not without its blessings and triumphs! Emma turned 2 and before I knew it we were having regular conversations all day long and becoming good friends with each other. She became my shopping buddy, my cleaning helper, my sewing inspiration (oh yes, I started sewing again!), my source of joy and encouragement, and a cute as ever toddler.

We had a year filled with lots of new activities, like gymnastics class & piano lessons. We made new friends like Seyrim and Marissa. We spent lots of time with Hudson and Trinity and made a best friend in Hudson. We started Puggles class at church. We are potty training. We fell in love with Thomas the Train and at the end of the year, we began to desire girly clothes and dresses that spin, baby dolls and grocery shopping over cars and the trash trucks. Tomboy to girly-girl! New teeth, our first antibiotic, long hair, independence!

It was a year of figuring out who I am now that I am a Mom and a stay-at-home mom at that. Figuring out how to be a good wife, what it means to be the keeper of my home, tapping into my domestic side and sewing, decorating, cleaning, organizing, preparing. Learning to BE who I am at this moment instead of continually transitioning from what I was.

The challenges that were faced were triumphed by the blessings... and for that, I am thankful.

So come on 2013.

Let's begin to write the pages of our new year.

The same challenges lay ahead and more will come, of that I am sure.

I am ready.

My sewing machine is warmed up. My heart is filling with love for my God. My hope is being slowly renewed. My faith restored. My fears laid down at the feet of Jesus who intercedes on my behalf to the one who abolishes fear.