Where's Waldo

* Chris came home terribly sick from Minneapolis last Wednesday and is still suffering from what we now know is pancreatitis. Not cool. 

* Emma is finally completely over the stomach virus that she picked up somewhere and we have not seen throw up in four glorious days

*Grandpa had his first full week of Chemotherapy is handling it well. Bone marrow biopsy results showed no cancer anywhere in his blood and PET scan showed no cancer anywhere else in his body, so he will go through a lot of radiation starting in March

*My new best friend, the exterminator, has done a fabulous job of chasing away all icky things from our home and we are now officially critter free and as an added bonus, we are now spider free as well. All done using organic methods and not a drop of poison in my home (at least that is what he claimed and I am going to naively believe it for now). 

*My sister met her boyfriend for the first time this past weekend. Yup, you read that right. What began as an  online chat relationship the first week of January has now progressed to a dating relationship that includes Skype and talk of marriage and babies. Her new boyfriend lives in North Carolina. It is fun watching her fall for a guy and see the relationship bloom. It is scary but still fun.

*I have some sewing and house projects in the works that I will be posting about later for your laughter and enjoyment. I am a work in progress and so is everything that I consider to be a "project"  

This is our life right now. A little chaotic, a lot emotional and a tiny bit awesome. :)

9 years later...

We are in our 9th year in our current home.

This seems unreal. This seems especially unreal since this home was our "starter" home. Our "5-year" plan. Our "let's see what this homeowner stuff is all about and then move on."

After year 2, the market crashed and our 5-year plan became the "we are never getting out of here" home.

I love this house. If you could pick up our house and the pond in back and move it into some open space in another party of the city, that would be awesome.

I digress.

9 years ago, I was not remotely interested in domestic things and this is mostly because I am just not good at being domestic. I don't decorate like Martha Stewart and I'm lazy folks. On top of that, I have a husband that was very opinionated about the decor .. and since it seemed to matter more to him than it did to me, then so be it... you can have U2 posters wherever you want them dear... have a blast.

Since then, I became a stay-at-home mom and that dear husband of mine and I are creating new roles for ourselves.

I have fallen in love all over again with sewing (thank you 4H for that one) and have started to come into my own in the world of domestication. I am enjoying turning our house into a home. I never realized how much of a difference little changes could make.

One of these little changes that I made recently, made a HUGE difference in my mood when I am in the kitchen.

These blinds have been hanging in the window since we moved in and they are disgusting. If you remember back a little bit in this post I mentioned my laziness. I never thought to take the energy to take these blinds down and soak them in bleach or something useful like that. I honestly did not think they could be cleaned up enough so I just left them. For 9 years!

If you have ever been in our kitchen and stood at our sink, you have seen how gross these blinds are.

SO, after 9 years... I made my own curtain to replace the nasty blinds. 

What do you think?

Ever heard of the term "measure twice cut once"?  Yeah... well, this curtain was not intended to have contrasting material on both sides of it. Oops! :)   It's growing on me though. 

My kitchen actually feels bright, warm and just.... different.  I love having natural light without having to look through the nasty slats of the old blinds.

Good riddance blinds!

Thank you http://dominiquescraftcouture.blogspot.com for the tutorial!

A Stitchin' Time

Emma is fully potty trained now, with the exception of nap time and night time. Yeah!  Oh wait...  yeah? Really?

Not so much. Who knew what would be required in order to use a public restroom with a 2 year old whose bottom does not even come close to fitting on the seat and currently has a fascination with watching herself go potty. It is a disaster folks... imagine it with me:

You walk in and check every stall to find which one is the cleanest and does not have a wad of toilet paper stuck in it or water on that seat (but is that really water? hmmm).  You settle on a stall and head in ... oh no! There are no hooks on these doors. You have a giant purse on your shoulder and a toddler patiently waiting to pee "it's coming mommy, it's coming!" You quickly grab a bunch of toilet paper and completely cover the toilet seat. Ok, let's do this. Pants are down... now what?  That's right, you lift your toddler up and hold her over the toilet because come on, how much is that toilet paper lining really helping?  You hold her over the potty all the while trying to keep your purse on your shoulder when BAM! it slides off of your shoulder and where does it land? Smack dab in the middle of your kids face!

Your toddler is now crying while peeing and trying to get off of the potty while you re-adjust your purse and convince her to finish going potty like a big girl and to stop moving her legs because the pee needs to stay in the potty!

Finally she is done. You lift her down from the potty position and set her on the floor and then it happens. Your purse swings down again and whacks her in the side. Now she is mad and saying "Mommy you hurt me!" in a public restroom while you frantically try to calm her while wiping her legs which now have pee dripping down them.

Everyone clean? Yes?  I love you and I'm SO sorry Mommy's purse hit you. Let me kiss it and make it better. All better?  Ok.  Great job going potty like a big girl!!

We wash and dry hands and leave the bathroom to torture the next poor Mom and toddler..

Oh wait. Did I remember to flush? Eh. Her pee is clear, no one will know the difference.

Potty training is over-rated dear friends.

It had to become easier.

So, we researched and found the perfect solution.  A little portable plastic potty seat that has folding handles that can be used on any toilet. The only thing you have to do is carry it around with you every stinkin' where you go.

And THAT my friends... leads me to my latest sewing project. I am pleased to introduce to you my new best friend:  The potty purse

Large enough to carry around a small football team. Ok, maybe not quite that large.  It does however carry all of my essential needs and also allows for a wet bag and a bag with a portable potty in it... but who needs to know? No one... because it's stuck in a very large bag.

and the best part, is I can sling it over my shoulder and I purposely made the strap a little shorter than normal so there is no chance this baby can slide off and give my child a minor concussion during potty time.

Oh the joys...

Happy Rotovirus...err..Valentines Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!

This Valentines Day was so special that we decided to spend it sick in bed. Tuesday night, Emma began throwing up and continued to throw up every 15-30 minutes until 5:00 a.m. the next day. Then continued all day Wednesday. She shared the love with Mommy and by noon, I was on the phone with Daddy asking him to come home so that Emma had someone that could take care of her that wasn't already pre-occupied with the toilet. Daddy to the rescue!!!  

Yesterday, she didn't throw up at all after 1 a.m., so we celebrated Valentines Day with Daddy and rejoiced that we were over our sickness:

 Valentines evening was spent trying to get Emma to fall asleep, an 11pm run to the pharmacy for Benadryl (that we couldn't even use!) and finally a sleeping 2 1/2 year old at 12:15am.

Which then turned into an awake 2 1/2 year old at 8am who had just vomited in her bed and has not stopped today.

Let me just tell you:  This kid is a trooper.  While her mama is getting sick and can't get out of bed, this little one gets sick and then asks what we are doing next!  She bravely makes it to the toilet every time and knows exactly what to do.  How were we blessed with such an amazing little girl?

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

A Memory

Dear Mom,

Tomorrow, February 11th, marks the day that you were born 58 years ago. 52 of those years were spent here on earth and 6 of those years have been spent with Jesus in Heaven.

I remember when you turned 50. We celebrated in Ann Arbor in the apartment you were staying in after your stem cell transplant. I asked you if you had anything to say about turning 50 and you said "If you live to see 50, you are blessed... I am thankful for the 50 years God has given me."

Two short years later, you were gone.

I visited your grave site in November. I guess I didn't realize just how much I was still missing you and grieving. I just sobbed... the pain was heavy.

You have had such an amazing impact on so many people. I can only pray that if God does give me 50 years.. that I spend them loving Him and loving others as much as you did.

Happy Birthday Mommy.

I love you to infinty and miss you so very much.

Thanks for being a mom that is so hard to let go of.

Jokes on me

Remember reading this yesterday?

"It is part of the "Unglued" series by Lysa TerKeurst.  While I enjoy book studies, I have to admit that so far, this study is pretty surface level and is not quite hitting home with me."

Well guess who came completely unlgued yesterday and was slapped in the face with this comment?

Yup.

Me.

What set it off you ask?

My adorable daughter.

I'm pretty sure that God wanted me to see just how easy it would be for Him to show me that I do, indeed, need a Bible Study focused on coming unglued and how to deal with it Biblically.

You know those moments in the grocery store or say... the mall... when you see some kid going nutso and you think to yourself "holy cow I'm glad that's not my kid"  or "man that kid must be so spoiled and totally controlling the mom" or "I can't believe she's yelling back at her kid like that... I would never talk to a child like that, especially my own... it's a good thing my kids will never be like that."

Then you have a child.

You take that child to the mall and you are having an awesome time and you think "I love this kid!" and then you give the 2-minute warning. "Emma, you have 2 minutes and then we need to leave!" "Ok Mommy!"

Then it happens.

Out of nowhere, while you are staring right at your child, something takes over her body and convinces her that now... right now... is the PERFECT place and time to wage a war against the request to get in the stroller and get out to the car to go home. And why not? There are lots of people to look at her and feel sorry for her and to let her know that indeed, she has a terrible mother.

"Emma this is ridiculous, get in the stroller please"

Then you start in with the yell whispers. You know them. Where you are whispering as loud as you possibly can without using your actual voice.

"Emma Sue Risheill you sit in this stroller and get buckled in right this instant! We do NOT behave like this!"

It only makes her more angry and she screams at the top of her lungs "Don't hurt me Mommy! Don't hurt me!" "noooooooooooo!!!"

You quickly scan the room to look for cops or anyone that could possibly work for social services before you quickly tell her to stop saying that you are going to hurt her. Then the inevitable happens. Someone gets hurt. This time... it is me. As I slam the buckle together, she kicks at just the right moment and my finger slips and gets caught in the buckle... tearing out enough of my pointer finger flesh that you can see it on the buckle.

Now I'm flustered, injured and still yell whispering. But, she's buckled in.

She bucks against the stroller and flings herself all over the place while yelling. I rock the stroller back on its hind wheels and high tail it out of there.

Finally. The car.

No sooner do I unbuckle her and not so gently place her in her car seat .. than we start ALL. OVER. AGAIN.  "No Mommy!" "I. Don't. Like. You!"  *heart rips to shreds*  We fight. I put her arms in the strap, she takes her arm out, I put it in, she takes it out, she is screaming, I am telling her she is ridiculous, she pulls her arm out again and then the volcano erupts.

I yell "FINE!" and close the door (not so gently). I stand up next to the door and literally scream "uggggggh!!" ...  then I pop the trunk and put in the stroller.  To my amazement, after going quite crazy because she thought I was leaving her, I open the door and she settles into her seat and buckles up.

I came SO unglued that I yelled out loud in a public parking lot while people walked by and stared or laughed at my screaming child in the car.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to do some careful studying of this Unglued book.

Thanks God.

Jokes on me.

Let God Chisel

I have started attending a new Bible Study and this weeks lesson was "Let God Chisel."

It is part of the "Unglued" series by Lysa TerKeurst.  While I enjoy book studies, I have to admit that so far, this study is pretty surface level and is not quite hitting home with me.

Last night, however, one thing did stick out. Her example was Michelangelo and how he chiseled away at David. He knew what it was supposed to look like in his mind and he set forth to bring that image out for others to see.

Lysa likened this to how God sees us. We are His workmanship, made for His good which He pre-determined for us. All we have to do is be still and allow God to chisel away until we become what He created us to be and knows we can be, versus what we are right now.  Just like all of the men in the Bible that were not great people before God turned them into people that amazing things for His Kingdom.  Saul persecuted Christians, but God turned him into Paul who brought thousands to Christ! Simon Peter who denied Christ three times and then turned around later and pledged three times that He loved Christ and brought thousands to His saving grace through his own testimony.

So, as the news made it my way yesterday that my Grandpa not only has lung cancer, but he has small-cell inoperable lung cancer, which is the most aggressive form you can get, and the reality of what is to come was solidified.. I found that the words I heard last night were more than appropriate for life right now.

I feel like God had just broken through a barrier that has existed for over 5 years now. He revealed to me something I knew in my head but could not accept in my heart.

I 

have

no

control.

That's not even right.  It is in fact that:

I  do not want control.

I would never have allowed certain things to happen in my life. I would never have allowed my Mom and my mom-in-law to die from cancer in their early 50's. I would never have allowed so much distance between all of my family members that it is almost impossible to have a relationship with my nieces and nephews and siblings. I would never have allowed doubt to creep in. I would never have allowed infertility for so many of my dear friends and family. I would never have allowed miscarriages and the loss of tiny lives.

It has taken me more than 5 years to realize that sometimes we blame or assign responsibility for certain things to God even though in reality, it is our own sin and this fallen world we live in that is the cause of so much pain and heart ache. God never designed it this way. God hurts too! 

God hurts when his children hurt. God desires that not one person should perish. God does not desire rejection. He does not desire death. He does not desire suffering.

He uses all of these things for His glory and He is just, He is righteous and one day those of us who have accepted His grace and gift of salvation... we will see His justice reign and our pain squashed and replaced with unending Joy and perfection how it was meant to be.

So why would I want control? Why do I want to change the un-changeable? God will destroy my pain someday and God feels my pain. He knows we suffer which is why He never intended for sin to be in the picture!

So chisel away God. Chisel away at my soul until I become a picture of you. Take this pain, this hurt, this sadness, this emptiness and use it for your glory. Bring my Grandpa before your throne and heal his heart, even if you choose not to heal his cancer.

Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

The "C" word

What comes to mind when you hear "the C word"?

For me, it means that cancer has impacted my life again in some way. This time, it has hit close to home again.

My Grandpa has just been diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer.

I am fortunate to have a Grandpa in my life that I care deeply about. I am fortunate to have a great relationship with my Grandpa. So, I am sad that this diagnosis has now become a part of his daily life and our reality.

As more information comes today and as we start down the path to what will be...  I think of my Dad who lost his own wife to cancer just 5 years ago and who is now looking at another cancer battle with his Dad.

Life outside of the comfort zone continues. Growth comes from pain and joy comes from tears.

I simply pray that no matter what direction this takes my Grandpa's life, that somehow I will know without a doubt that he has a relationship with the Lord and I will see him again someday.